Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
