i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
