I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
