Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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