I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
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i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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