How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
