I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
