Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
