I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
do nipples grow back?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
