I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
