I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
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I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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