Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
They have beer where we have blood.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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