I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We are all done wearing pants today
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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