Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
