Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My legs feel like baby dolphins
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
