he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
bring money and cleavage
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
