im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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