What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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