My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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