you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
