I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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