yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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