I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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