I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
zippers are such a cool invention
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
