Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
