Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
