my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.