Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.

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  (847): Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called. http://tfl.nu/lgas
  Replies (21) Good night (3374) Bad night (957)
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  (661): View more from California

  is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?

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  (661): is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero? http://tfl.nu/iroh
  Replies (31) Good night (6249) Bad night (1132)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.

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  (256): I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed. http://tfl.nu/8aru
  Replies (28) Good night (5253) Bad night (2170)
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  (310): View more from California

  It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.

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  (310): It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer. http://tfl.nu/9xay
  Replies (11) Good night (3554) Bad night (2205)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?

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  (630): Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding? http://tfl.nu/gie6
  Replies (15) Good night (1877) Bad night (2580)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me

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  (+44): The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me http://tfl.nu/123e
  Replies (6) Good night (1303) Bad night (3068)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.

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  (815): Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess. http://tfl.nu/3e7p
  Replies (13) Good night (2465) Bad night (1386)
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  (347): View more from New York

  They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me

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  (347): They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me http://tfl.nu/nbj5
  Replies (4) Good night (1425) Bad night (710)
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  (213): View more from California

  holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow

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  (213): holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow http://tfl.nu/whvj
  Replies (5) Good night (1738) Bad night (610)
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  (619): View more from California

  there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper

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  (619): there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper http://tfl.nu/29cl
  Replies (25) Good night (769) Bad night (930)
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  (585): View more from New York

  N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.

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  (585): N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete. http://tfl.nu/tsau
  Replies (8) Good night (2539) Bad night (655)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...

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  (843): When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"... http://tfl.nu/sfou
  Replies (6) Good night (1976) Bad night (700)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff

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  (229): I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff http://tfl.nu/s9sx
  Replies (6) Good night (1320) Bad night (417)
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  (909): View more from California

  I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"

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  (909): I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!" http://tfl.nu/ixne
  Replies (6) Good night (1181) Bad night (404)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.

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  (919): Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice. http://tfl.nu/s17a
  Replies (0) Good night (355) Bad night (150)

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