I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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