can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.