My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning