forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder