i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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