I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
