Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
