It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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