i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
