can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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