wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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