that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
After tacos, we're chasing women.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
