Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
