Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
