Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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