Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
