just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
