I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
