My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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