Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Houston, we have a blender
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
