barbara walters just said penis...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
