I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
BRING THE BAGELS
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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