It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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