I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
