i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
this will be a night to untag.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
MIDGETS
????
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
