the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he was CRYING into my vagina
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
