i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
