"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
