i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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