This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Semen is not good for contacts.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Randomize
