when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
