i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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