from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
