Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
