Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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