I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
