He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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