i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
