Who wears a wallet chain?!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
