Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
