So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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